Thoughts on Self-Inflicted Death
The issue remains, the only self-inflicted death I can prevent is my own
Michelle Young Dead at age 34
No, I don’t know her. I don’t have to know her. The fact is I can probably fill both hands with soldiers, sailors, and Marines who have created a self-induced death (a.k.a. suicide). Not all the stories are the same, every individual has different experiences and different mindset, different reason for deciding to do this to themselves and their loved ones.
The above picture is linked to her story. One thing I find in common with many of the suicides of military veterans comes down to friends and families who’ve been left behind saying “I didn’t see this happening.” , or “I should have checked in on them.”, or even “I just talked to them yesterday and they seemed life was doing great!”
Fact about suicide
A fact that remains, no matter how much you check in with a battle buddy, a friend, a loved one, fact is that it was THEIR decision, not yours. It’s not IN your hands, and it’s not your responsibility to eliminate all suicide single handedly. YOU did not kill them.
I point this out because it’s an issue I’ve dealt with personally. Someone else’s death becomes my fault. I shoulda… I coulda… why didn’t I… all of these come to those of us left behind. Even if all the coulda, shoulda, woulda’s had happened there is still no guarantee we could have stopped them from killing themselves.
Let’s be honest with ourselves. As grown adults and as veterans we really know how to push the bad shit down and appear normal and happy. These same people who made their choice to kill themselves might have never accepted our help and might have purposely appeared to be loving life. It’s the same as those personality tests that we know what the “right” answer is and we know what “our” answer is so we respond with the “right” answer.
So what’s the point of trying?
The point in trying at least, is the fact that yes, there ARE some people who we could change their mind about suicide. My daddy always said to me “son, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Meaning I’ll still check in with my buddies and check to see how they are doing, because maybe that one time I called and said “howdy” is going to change their mind.
But I also need to know that if a person does commit suicide it wasn’t my fault they chose that solution. We have plenty on our own shoulders, and if you’re anything like me, most of these stories you can look at and say “yup I understand why they did that.” But we cannot put every soldier’s suicide squarely upon our shoulders. That’s just going to drive you mad inside to the point of you committing suicide.
Never let that darkness take over your life. If there’s someone close to you who committed suicide and you feel part of the blame, please reach out to your battle buddies to let them know. I don’t know anyone who’s a veteran who has never personally known another veteran to take their lives. It’s a helluva weight to bare by yourself. Everything we’ve done in life that “SHOULD” have killed us and didn’t… and now they take their own life… it’s difficult to deal with. Rather than putting that burden on someone else talk to someone. Don’t be the next one because you tried to carry everyone else on your shoulders.