Your triggers are YOUR responsibility. I must admit, this here is difficult for me to wrap myself around. I KNOW, in my mind I know, how true this statement is. I have also been in “PTSD Mode”, or as my kids say “he has raditude” where my actions disagree with every bit of this statement.
What I Agree With
I agree whole heartedly that it’s not the world’s responsibility to tiptoe around you and your issues. How is anyone you never let “in” on any of this supposed to be aware of and sensitive to issues you may face? They aren’t.
I disagree with the signs people put up around 4th of July telling everyone a veteran lives here and they need to be sensitive to that lighting off fireworks. It’s not everyone else’s responsibility to push off an entire holiday just because an unexpected “boom” sends me to places I cannot control where.
What I disagree with
Honestly, my only disagreements come in the middle of being triggered. When I’m in a flashback then everyone get out of my fucking way. When something triggers me, then everything needs to stop. In that moment I’m not thinking clearly, therefore it’s really easy for me to blame everyone outside of me for what’s going on inside of me.
If that firework hadn’t gone off…
If you hadn’t drug me to somewhere with this big of crowd…
If that driver didn’t cut me off…
It’s unending the amount of blame I can place on the world around me. Nobody triggered me on purpose. Nobody saw that button and decided they just HAD to push it.
Where’s that leave me
That leaves me with the truth in this statement. It’s MY responsibility to learn, identify, understand, and control my triggers. This requires me to make a conscious decision to, number ONE, take good care of myself. Physically, mentally, spiritually, I have to consciously build each and learn to know myself.
Only THEN, I can be in a position to understand, what is going to trigger me, and what I can do to minimize the effects. Don’t get me wrong, there’s LOTS of shit out there that doesn’t work for me, it may or may not work for you. The point is it’s up to ME to find those things that work for me and USE them.
As stupid easy as it sounds it is not. We are men of service and protection. It’s easier for me to pay attention to others, to keep others safe. It’s “selfish” to take so much time to figure me out and spend time on what works for ME. You have to put it into perspective. Is life better because you are keeping your loved ones safe and ignoring yourself and things that could help you keep control of your triggers? Or is security of all better when you take the time necessary to be able to anticipate and control your triggers?
It’s not selfish when you realize everyone you love has a better day when you’re triggers aren’t affecting how they live their lives.
Click here to help, to share, or to pray for my family and I.